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"I asked for, and got, a check 30 days after my husband left," she says."Too many men dodge their financial responsibilities, so waiting for that first alimony check is unwise. Newman says that a client of hers told her husband's boss about his affair with his secretary and ended up getting him fired."Divorcing just means that the relationship didn't work out," she says."You haven't been rejected as a woman or a person, nor are you incompetent at being a wife, a partner, a lover, a friend."8. Amanda, 29, from Albuquerque, NM, was married for over six years until her divorce.Now that I'm nearing the end of the divorce process (it's a marathon — not a sprint!), I'm starting to reflect on the things I wish I had done differently or, perhaps, the things I wish I had known before getting a divorce, period.Psychotherapist Pandora Mac Lean-Hoover, who's divorced, also suggests finding a therapist who knows firsthand how vulnerable you are.
Here, real women share what they wish they'd known when they split from their husbands and divorce professionals weigh in on how to combat the most unexpected, yet most common, mistakes they've seen clients make.
Don't use friends for legal advice — meaning, don't hire a friend to handle the divorce even though your friend will cut you a break financially.
My ex and I started out this way, and the friend was truly lovely and magnanimous at heart to want to help two broke people divorce, but we ended up switching counsel (to mediators) for various reasons, which derailed finalizing the divorce.
But she admits she could barely function for a full year after the split.
Her divorce recovery classes helped her realize everyone bounces back at their own pace.
Julie, 50, from Denver, thought she'd be able to handle her divorce.